So the last days. The last 15 days I've been suffering from gastric catarrh, I thought it was from the worry of the school start, like when does it start? Where am I supposed to go? What buss should I catch? What train? Where can I get a bike? But no, I've had worst stuff to worry about than that. But what I believe it is, is; my mother. Also by brother.
But first of my mom. I just have hard times letting go. I'm a 18 year old and I still hold my moms hand when they'll take a little blood from me. I still want her around, I want her to come with me to stuff becuz I feel safer then, and the thought about leaving her alone... I feel like she needs me more then I need her ...just makes me sick to my stomach. And....
It's been 13 months, one year and a month sense I've heard for my brother. Just few weeks ago I tried to contact him, I told him about my dreams that have been haunting me. The dreams I've had so many of this past year... I meet him and he's actually happy to see me, it's the same dream every day and I know I'm supposed to take that as a sign that he'll be happy to seem me but here's the things...
1. I don't believe in signs.
2 If he'd be happy to see me, I'm sure he'd answer my messanges I've sent him.
What makes this even more painful, is all the memories, all the bad, all the good.How I let him down, if I had followed him to the train station, if I'd keep awake to talk to him during nights, If I'd watch those animes he suggested, everything would be fine, I can't help but blame myself. I'd do anything, anything it took to have my big brother back! I never knew a life without him and now when he's no here! I just can't.
No comments:
Post a Comment